Short Shrifted

I wanted your input on hats for short men. Are there any protocols?

It seems to me that hats can be tricky for short guys, especially portly guys or guys with no neck. In the past, I’ve been short and portly, although I’m almost out of that world as I’ve lost 100 lbs over the last few years. I’m now almost in the lean/muscular category. As I trim bodyfat, I’m expecting for there to be more definition in my neck and a more angular face/chin, which will make my neck appear longer. I also got rid of my goatee because I realized how much more it made my neck disappear.

Btw, love your blog! I happened to stumble upon it, but once I started reading I was hooked! I stayed up all night reading the entire blog from 2007-present. I will be recommending your site to all my fellow short brethren.

–D.R., 5-foot-6

Well shucks, that’s certainly one of the nicest e-mails I’ve ever received. The guy lost precious sleep reading my blog. In my new world of daddyhood, that’s the greatest compliment I can imagine.

But onwards. Here’s what I think.

Baseball caps are so universal that they look OK on everybody — short, tall, young, old, women, men. You just have to find the right style for you: mesh trucker/hipster cap, old-school cotton ball cap, etc. I’m a low-accessories kind of guy: no hats, watches, jewelry, tattoos, etc. But occasionally even I will slap on a baseball hat. Usually on a weekend when I’ve been too lazy to take a shower and I need to go to the corner store to buy some milk.

Beyond that, I say the world is your oyster. My feeling is that (short of a stovepipe maybe) we can wear any style of hat we want. That’s a blanket statement. Of course, what would look best on any given individual is much harder to pin down… It’s mainly a question of personal style. See that short fella in the picture up there? He favored fedoras. The best advice really is: keep experimenting.

Anyone else have any advice for DR? What kind of lids you favor?

Put down the scissors. I know you’re frustrated. You’ve retied that bastard a dozen times already. Nothing doing. It’s still too damn long. But there are better ways. I promise.

Not every short guy has a problem buying ties off the rack (and not every average-sized guy is in the clear, either). As I’ve said before: The correct tie length for you depends on a lot of stuff: your height, yeah, but also your weight, neck size, what knot you use, personal style, and, well, just how high you like to hike your pants.

If you’re having problems with neckties that are too long, this guide’s for you. Some of these are no-brainers: Buy a shorter tie. OK. But what do you do when you’re in the hotel room getting dressed for your buddy’s wedding this summer, and you realize your tie is too long? No time to buy a new one. Well, that’s on here, too:

16 WAYS TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR TIE

1. Consult my Necktie Length Guide. I compared 55 brands to come up with a list of labels that make the shortest ties. Print out the PDF and get thee to the mall.
2. Buy a vintage necktie. They tend to be shorter. Check out my eBay tips on how to score the right size.
3. Get it tailored. Pull out the ill-fitting ties from your closet and send them to Tiecrafters — they charge $17/tie.
4. Choose heavier cloth. Or material that doesn’t stretch out as much as silk.
5. Shop the boys dept. At Ralph Lauren, Brook Brothers, Land’s End, Target, etc.
6. Tie a bigger knot. There are a million YouTube videos, but this site’s comprehensive.
7. Slip the tail end inside your shirt. Once you’ve got the front blade where you want it, slip the longer tail end between your shirt buttons.
8. Tuck it in. Tuck the skinny end — or both ends — into your waistband.
9. Join the army. Tuck the whole tie, military style, between your second and third shirt buttons.
10. Hide it. Hide the offending piece of silk under a sweater.
11. Wear a three-piece suit. The vest conceals as it lifts part of the tie up and away.
12. Clip on a tie bar. These are great for some artful rumple and lift.
13. Fold the tail up into the “holder” on the back. Then secure it with a safety pin (or a paperclip, in a pinch) if needed.
14. Have one custom made to your own specs. People swear by Drakes and Sam Hober.
15. Make your own. Here’s the instrux. On second thought, get a crafty loved one to handmake one for you.
16. Switch to a bowtie. You can even have your favorite neckties converted to bows. Mainebows ties are $30 and they’ll customize it to any length you wish — at no extra charge! Plus they’re made in the great state of Maine.

Obviously, some of these are a bit out there, or for emergencies only, or take some chutzpah and finesse to pull off. I’m all about giving you possibilities on this blog. Options. As short men, that’s exactly what we lack when it comes to clothes.

I’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment if you’ve tried any of these — or if you’ve got a tip on what works for you.

Loveship blogger Michael Levy just put together a summer outfit that he’s pretty jazzed about. The foundation to his look?

Beltless. High-waisted. High-water. Cuffed. Mauve pants.

The sound you just heard was every writer who’s ever penned a ‘10 Style Rules for Short Guys’ column’s head exploding. There’s so many of them and my guess is they were all average height or probably even tall. At least now they probably qualify as potential readers, height-wise. From the neck down anyways.

But seriously. I think Michael looks great. And as he says, they’re not pink; they’re mauve. These aren’t go-to-hell pants. They’re see-you-in-hell pants.

Check out all the pix on his post Manly in Mauve.

I’d never heard of the place he got his trousers: ASOS. Apparently, it’s sort of a British Urban Outfitters. They have a strong online presence — and great shipping deals for the US and Canada: $6 for Standard (8 days) or $14 for Express (4 days). Hard to beat. And the 5-foot-5 Michael says the pants are “the closest to a perfect off-the-rack fit I’ve ever seen” — for his body type, at least.

Keep killing it, Michael.

–

PS If anyone’s interested in going sockless this summer, there was a good How-To on Art of Manliness today. Rule #1 was a total revelation to me. I wish I was kidding. And Put This On just did a round-up on no-show socks. I went with the cheapest rec: 5-pairs-for-$10 at ye olde tween identity purveyor Journeys. Tagline: It’s a Lifestyle You Can Wear! Apologies for not being able to reproduce the original font here. I think it might be called Fierce Tiger Scratch Sans. But I’ve tried on the socks and they get the job done. Why pay more for something nobody’s supposed to see?

I recently made the mistake of ordering a made-to-measure suit at a major New York store. Off the rack, I wear an Extra Short. Although I had discussed the issue with the MTM director, when the suit came in the jacket was too long because it was cut as a Short.

The store is going to do the suit over from scratch, but I’m afraid that they will simply shorten the jacket. What should I look out for?

–Anonymous, 5-foot-4

Poor guy. Going custom is a big investment. And It’s this type of horror story that puts people off taking the MTM plunge. Here’s what I’d look for when trying on the re-made jacket:

Pockets: As far as I know a tailor can’t really reposition pockets, so check to see if they look too low in relation to the new, shorter bottom hem.

Buttons: To a lesser extent, I’d think the same would apply to the front buttons.

Can anyone confirm this? What other telltale signs would there be if they got lazy and just shortened the existing jacket? And do you have any recommendations for a MTM suitmaker who’d get an Extra Short right on the first go-round?

My brother-in-law Chris is something of a Lil Wayne fan. He keeps petitioning me to feature the (currently incarcerated) hip-hop/rock star on Short Shrifted. Great idea; I’ve just never had the right opportunity before. But my new photo blog — ACML — is the perfect place for the 5-foot-6 rapper.

I’ve long wondered how you pull off ultra-baggy, hip-hop steez when you’re a short man — considering that loose-fitting clothing is a violation of Rule #1 in the short-guy style book of law.

Well, you know my feeling about style rules: they’re made to be broken. You just gotta tread carefully. Don’t want to end up in the the Fashion Big House.

Lil Wayne’s tack seems to be pairing baggy, low-slung jeans with comparatively form-fitting shirts. So while the pants shorten his legs, he’s also lengthening his torso. He also favors simple T-shirts and tanks (or no shirt at all), which further reinforce that lengthening effect, and draw attention to his slim, athletic physique. I think it works for him.

And you’ve got to give it to the guy. While Lil Bow Wow and Lil Romeo dropped the diminutive descriptors in their names as they got older, Lil Wayne maintains. Props for keepin’ it Lil.

A shout out to Chris, who became a journeyman electrician this month. I’m proud of you, man. This one’s for you:

Check out the full Lil Wayne gallery on ACML.

This is a guest post by Tintin, creator of the blog The Trad.

While my Norwegian grandfather was over 6′, he married my Polish grandmother who was 3′2″ — so both my Dad (5′8″) and myself (5′8 3/4″) fall under 5′9″. I always knew I was short. That, I couldn’t stop being reminded of. But my real problem was short arms.

Growing up I had my ass kicked more times than I can recall. I couldn’t figure it out for the longest time. People could always hit me but I could never land a punch. Now I know I lost a lotta fights because I had (and still do) short arms. It caused me to take Judo lessons and I got up to third-degree brown belt before a girlfriend turned out to be a lot more fun.

While the army’s infamous “Short Arm Inspection” had disappeared by the time I joined, the stories were still around. There a lot of ways to lose your dignity in the army but nothing I ever experienced comes close to someone pulling on your johnson while you stand in formation.

But this ain’t that kind of inspection.

My arms (L-31.5, R-32) were never much of a problem in the states. Shirt manufacturers in the US have been good about providing an array of sleeve lengths. But go to the UK and it’s a different story. Each neck size offers one sleeve length, sometimes two (Regular and Long). The fellas I worked with at Lloyds of London either wore sleeve garters or they just let fabric hang down over the cuff.

I tried the garters but couldn’t stand them. Wasn’t big on The Gambler look. However, should you wish to evoke a River Boat Gambler aesthetic these folks can help:

* J Press
* Cable Car Clothiers
* Albert Thurston

But no, they’re weren’t for me. So my first solution was to have the sleeves shortened by a tailor. In London this can get expensive (hence the garters) but here in the states any alterations counter at your dry cleaners can do it for 10 bucks or so.

I have also rolled the cuff back and buttoned it much like a double cuff with the existing button. This looks pretty bad by itself, so it’s better hidden with a sweater.

My best fix is simple, cheap, and looks great. Say I stumble across a nice shirt on sale but the sleeves are too long. I buy the shirt anyway — and roll the sleeves up. Yeah, it makes it a casual shirt but it works for me. I do not roll up my sleeves past my elbow as the hip like to do today. That’s a look I associate with truck drivers, convicts and grits. Just a couple turns will get me to the middle of my forearm. Which pretty much suits my middle-of-the-road mindset.

I always hate the way jeans look when I get them hemmed — as if they were a pair of office khakis. It just never looks right. A piece of All-American Cool is suddenly Squaresville, USA.

One alternative is to actually reattach the original hem — with its distinctive stitching, thread color, and marks of distress intact. Here’s a pretty extensive forum thread about original/frankenhems.

I’d read about it be never tried it until a week ago. I was at my local tailor in Queens, and he asked me if I wanted to give it a shot with a new pair of jeans. They’re neither the best tailors nor jeans in the world, but: What do you think? I’m not so sure how well it turned out…

Click here for a short Flickr set.