Short Shrifted

Before NBC’s “The Office” there was the BBC’s “The Office.” And before that I was a temp. In England. In an office park that could have been a double of the one in Scranton. Or Slough. They’re all the same, aren’t they?

Thanks to a student work-visa program, I had a temp job as a “telephonist” at a Royal Mail call center. It was a cool job in two ways: (1) I was responsible for fielding any esoteric questions members of the public could dream up: Can I send second-hand clothes/bees/cash/blood to Ethiopia? No/no/no/yes. That sort of thing. And (2) the folks in my small group were great to work with. But beyond that, it was very “Office”y: absurd bureaucratic paper-shifting, ridiculous presentations and exercises, incestuous co-worker romances, and a staff filled out with a bunch of young, dunder-headed “lads.” And these lads shopped at TopMan. Because there was one on every high street in England. And TopMan was, well, kinda lame.

So if you had told me way back then that in 2009, TopMan would be one of the hippest, most eagerly anticipated arrivals stateside this year, I’d have laughed. But here we are. And a lot has changed since Blur slagged off its clientele on record. I dropped by the brand-new NYC flagship store in SoHo last week to reassess its rep (non-NYers can order online via the US site here). What I found was a much hipper brand — maybe too hip sometimes — and some promising sizing options for short men. (Check out my TopMan Flickr pix here)

H&M is actually a great reference point for those unfamiliar with TopMan. So let’s do a bit of compare-and-contrast, shall we?

How TopMan is like H&M:

specializes in “disposable fashion” that threatens to look silly at any moment past next week

clothes have a vaguely European look

trends very young

has a mix of styles that appeal to a broad swath (in TM’s case: mod-ish suits and dress shirts, casual frat duds, that neon ’80swear that’s currently big with the hip-hop/emo crowd, etc.

How TopMan differs from H&M:

more expensive (sometimes a lot more)

styles tend to be more fashion-forward and interesting (this can be a good thing, but is also risky)

has way more smaller/skinnier/shorter options

This last item is the real selling point for us short geezers. Their sizing is incredible and should be commended. Shirts come in S, XS, and bottom out at XXS. The XXS was waaay too tight/small for me, if that gives you any indication of just how truly tiny they are. Jeans/trousers run down to a 26 waist/28 inseam. And suits start at 34.

Since the short, cropped look is still in right now, TopMan gamely plays along and so most of the cuts are suitable for short guys, too. Shirts aren’t too long, jacket hems are modishly proportioned, and I even spotted a few pairs of shorts that had non-surfer-dude inseams.

So, my initial assessment is that TopMan has potential. It probably lends itself more to the short and skinny, but could possibly work out OK in some cases for girthier short men. The major downsides are that it’s overpriced and some of the styles are a bit too of-the-moment. But if you watch for sales and choose your threads wisely, you could end up with some real keepers.

I’m headed to Florida soon. To celebrate my in-law’s impending nuptials, my wife and I have been invited to a Low Country Boil. Sounded to me like something painful you’d get on your heel after hiking for too long through the Everglades… But my wife schooled me. Apparently, it’s way better than that. Toss shrimp, crab, corn, potatoes, and kielbasa in a big pot of boiling water. Cook. Drain. Dump everything onto a mess of clean newspapers. Pair with beer.

Mmmmm. I can’t wait. I love that kind of thing. I love summer parties. They’re so much easier than their wintry counterparts (I’m looking at you, Thanksgiving). Just boil some water or grill some burgers and you’re good to go.

The attire is usually more casual, too. Which can make it easier for shorter men. But I often have a tough time finding casual-yet-still-dressy-enough short-sleeve shirts that actually fit well. The two problems are sleeves and bottom hems that are too long.

American Apparel’s new Plaid Short Sleeve Button-Up Shirt ($52) solves both problems. Sleeves stop about mid-bicep (maybe a smidge longer) whereas many so-called “short-sleeves” fall almost to my elbows. And the bottom hem, while not super high, is at a decent-enough length if I decide to wear it untucked.

The short-sleeves are available in XXS, XS, and S (M and up seem far too long, so unfortunately, these shirts will probably only work if you’re slim). The XXS is extremely tiny, the XS fit me perfectly at 5-foot-5/125 pounds (see my Flickr pic), and the S is probably borderline OK if you’re a bit taller/heavier than that (it’s a significant jump up in dimensions from the XS). Faithful readers may recall my review of AA’s Long-Sleeve Oxfords when they debuted last fall. Check that out for more descriptive fit details (they have a similar construction, save for the sleeve length).

AA’s short-sleeve button-ups are available in: plaid (Fuschia and Turquoise Green), gingham check (multiple colors), and solid (more conservative colors). Best of all, they have a Seersucker version in development. Nice. You know how much I love the ’sucker. I’ll definitely let you know when that’s available.

The only real sticking point is that they’re a bit expensive for what they are. And the bottom hems could stand to be just a tad higher. But all in all, I think it’s a good candidate for all your Low Country Boils this summer.

Website: American Apparel

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“I was wondering if you had any advice about men’s tailors in NYC. I’m a law student about to start work at a law firm and I have all of my business clothes from when I got out of college (read: purchased by my 60-year-old father) but I need to get a lot of the pants tapered and fitted, as well as some work on a blazer that is bespoke but cut like a suit jacket rather than a blazer. Everywhere that has been recommended to me (Alex Tailor Shop & Village Tailors) have endless terrible reviews online so I’m open to any suggestions.

“That being said, I’ve also got a recommendation for you: Victor and Son’s Tailors, 205 Mott St. Will fit button-down dress shirts to you for $24 a piece. No more giant ballooning shirts (although the Uniqlo XS solved that problem too). I don’t know that I trust them with more substantial work, so I’m looking for other options. Let me know if you have any leads.

–Ben, 5-foot-4, 140 lbs

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First of all, Ben, thanks for the lead on Victor and Son’s. Secondly, great question. I’ve been wondering the same thing for a long time. And I’ve been hampered by the same problem: highly recommended places seem to have an inordinate amount of bad reviews on places like Yelp and CitySearch etc. Maybe this is just peculiar to the tailoring profession? But it makes me nervous.

At my neighborhood tailor in Astoria I’ve only ever had pants hemmed. They do a fine job, but I’m not sure they’re up to bigger jobs. The thing is: I have a suit that I bought at the APC sample sale a year or two ago that I STILL haven’t worn because it needs the sleeves taken up and the trousers hemmed. It’s time to take the plunge and finally get this thing ready to wear.

So where should Ben and I go? What’s the best tailor in NYC? Specifically, is there anyone that really “gets” the fit problems that short men face? And if you live somewhere besides NYC, please feel free to comment, too, with the name of your tailor/city so you can help out your short neighbors.

Had a big weekend, clothing-wise. I’ll give you a quick rundown now — with the promise of a few more detailed posts to follow in the coming weeks.

Met my friend Corey at Freemans for a boozy breakfast. We’ve had a shared interest in clothes since high school and our tastes still mostly overlap. So I lent him a copy of a book I just finished: The Way We Wore: A Life in Threads. It’s BBC presenter Robert Elms’ breezy cultural history of London from the 1960s to the ’90s, told through the lens of men’s clothing, pop music, and dance clubs (in that order). Lots of great stories if you’re into (mod/ska/glam/punk/new romanticism/acid).

After an incident involving a tray of drinks, a waiter, an errant elbow, and a mop, we headed out to the shops.

First stop: Duncan Quinn, the mod-ish British haberdasher in NoLita where I almost bought my wedding suit a few years ago. The guys here have great patter and it’s always enjoyable to stop in (do bring a fat wallet, though). Mentioned my blog to the lads who run the place and they assured me that they could make a suit for the shortest guy out there. In fact, they trotted out a tasty whistle (OK, I picked up some slang from the Elms) from the back room to illustrate their point. They’d just finished making this beautiful gray wool suit with slant pockets and a ticket pocket for a client who is apparently on the extreme end of the bell curve. I’m a 36S/XS and this jacket looked waaay too small for me (sleeves and chest). Very cool.

Next, we checked out TopMan, the menswear line at UK high-streeter-turned-SoHo-phenom TopShop. They definitely have options for short men. I’ll do a full review soon. For now, check out the link to their US online shop if you don’t live in NYC.

A block up the street we passed Uniqlo, so we had to stop in, naturally. I already posted the following on the Twitter account I’m experimenting with, but: I spotted a whole shelf of their Extra-Fine Merino Wool V-Neck sweaters for $9.99. All of them were size XS! Most were black or navy but they had a few in brown and dark gray. There were probably about 50 on Saturday afternoon when I was there. I have no idea if there are any left now (I snapped up 4), but if you go: they’re in the back near the windows where all the sale stuff usually is…

I also spotted a couple new summer things at American Apparel. But stay tuned: I’ll do a full post on that later this week.

All in all, it was a validating mercantile tour for a 5-foot-5 guy.

Also this weekend, I interviewed Robert Rufino, the editor-at-large at House Beautiful. Mr. Ruffino is 5-foot-7 and immaculately attired. It’ll take me a little while to transcribe the interview, but look for it in the coming weeks.

The Kentucky Derby might be known for the speed of its horses and the sartorial pomp of its spectators, but watching it on TV this year (all 2 minutes of it), I couldn’t help but think that, really, it’s all about the jockeys. Their athleticism, their cunning — and their flashy wardrobes. Ranging from a lean 110 to 120 pounds and from about 4′10″ to 5′6″ (with most in the middle of the pack), these small men in their brightly colored racing silks easily outshone all the well-coiffed gents and be-hatted ladies swilling juleps in the stands. Apparently, Animal Planet has a whole doculity? realimentary? on the subject.

Tove, author of the Thread for Thought blog, recently posted a mini academic treatise on jockey attire. She delves into the historical development of jockey silks, their portrayal in pop culture, and purpose as a class signifier. Whew boy! Good readin’.

Bob Dylan: once upon a time he dressed so fine… according to a new item on Short Memo (blog of the online short-men’s specialty store FortheFit.com). Consuelo goes on to tell you how you can put together a similar look with some of their merchandise. Hard to argue with Dylan as a short style icon (though some periods were better than others).

One of my new favorite blogs, The Trad, reveals the secret behind making those baggy chinos look like a million bucks. Something to do with a $20 bill and a good tailor. Sounds pretty easy. Bonus: he namechecks his NYC tailor.

And down in D.C., Off the Cuff has a two-parter on going custom.

Yes — this is topical (sort of). Way back in the 1990s, my friend belonged to an indie-rock mailing list. Or maybe it was a usenet group (ha!). All I know is it was some sort of archaic but semi-exclusive form of electronic communication. I remember vividly him telling me about this (via Pitchfork):

Back in July of 1999, Sonic Youth were victims of a robbery when a ton of gear — guitars, amps, the works — was stolen from a Ramada Inn parking lot in Orange County, California. At the time, Lee Ranaldo wrote an open letter to fans, giving them a heads up: “Our guitars are all mostly older and either very modified and/or fucked up/beat up. They are unmistakably ours.” One of the lifted items was Ranaldo’s Fender Mustang — you might recognize it from the band’s “Macbeth” and “Mary Christ” videos.

You might also recognize the Fender Mustang from when I did that post on shortscale guitars. (They’re essential gear if you happen to have small hands/short arms.)

For Sonic Youth, a theft like this was detrimental to the band’s ability to recreate their sound in a live setting. Ranaldo wrote at the time:

“This is really serious — all the gear we’ve used to write our last few LPs worth of stuff, instruments used for songs old and new which if truly lost will mean those songs will be lost forever.”

But Pitchfork reported good news this week:

And then, almost exactly a decade later, the orange/red ax was apparently found by a dude from the Netherlands who goes by the name Sauerkraut. According to a now-massive thread on the Offset Guitars message board entitled “The OH MY GOD! I BOUGHT ONE OF SONIC YOUTH’S STOLEN GUITARS”, a user named Sauerkraut realized he bought Ranaldo’s old guitar on eBay after finding a picture of it on Sonic Youth’s intense online instrument archive. And he wanted to give it back. As long as the Mustang can make it through Dutch customs, it seems like a happy reunion with its rightful owner is all but assured.”

I dunno. I just thought this was cool. It’s pretty gratifying to see a partial resolution to this story that I’ve been following for 10 years. And it’s a reminder of how unique and special these shortscale guitars can be.